Why do I always "fall" for people?

Honestly, they shouldn't call it "falling" for someone. It's more like a nose-dive if you ask me. When you fall for someone, it's an accident. Pursuing that feeling is a bold move, just like a nose-dive. You have no idea what the outcome will be, but you're taking a risk and hoping for the best in the end. Right now, I feel like my nose-dive is about to end in a bloody mess, unless someone finds a way to catch me. I hate my life. At least I have my new T-Mobile G1!

Why do I suck at this game called love?

Hahaha! I know that's probably the corniest title ever but it's how I feel right now. Maybe it's just me, but honestly, I feel like I can never have what I want. Everything was great in the beginning and now things are completely the opposite of that. We used to talk all the time...go out, have dinner, etc. Now it's like I'm just a second thought. I'm too good for that. I hate feeling this way. I never did anything to deserve this. I don't even ask for much from them and still I get nothing. The sad part is that I really wanted this to work. I mean, I can probably deal with it for a while longer, but if nothing changes, I'd be an idiot to stay in the relationship. I do plan on talking to them within the next few days to see where this is going, but I think the outlook is leaning more towards a friendship. I really hate it. I know there are plenty more options out there for me but I saw something in this one and I thought it would be different. Things just seem too similar to my previous relationship and that's the one thing I don't need. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I want to do it yet. Things are always easier said than done...

Aww shit!

That just happens to be the title of my new favorite song: Aww Shit! by Kelis. I don't know how I never heard it before. Makes me feel good for some reason. Don't ask.

Oh sorry about that last post. I was just really frustrated for a reason some of you may already know. I think I'm doing better now. Partially because I feel like I'm fooling myself into thinking everything is okay...but it helps a lot. I know it might not be the right thing to do but at least I can cope now.

Yesterday I went to Atlantic City with Gary and his sister JayJ. Had a pretty good time...mainly due to alcohol use haha! I won a little on the slots and we ended up at Bobby Flay's restaurant. We really should've checked the menu before we were seated because the cheapest steak was like $32. The one I got was almost $40. I was about to tell the waiter (who, according to Gary, was hitting on me) that if Bobby Flay doesn't bring out my steak, I'm not paying. I have to say that it was worth it though. It was one of the best steaks I've ever had. But enough about steak.

Had some good conversations back at the room. Did I mention how much I love hotels? I guess it's knowing that I don't have to clean up the room later hah. And the beds are always so comfortable. I love it. I'm going to finish this entry later. Gotta run!

FML

fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life. fuck my life.

This can't be good.

I hate how I keep all my feelings bottled up inside nowadays. I guess it's because I try to avoid a confrontation. I'm supposed to be enjoying my life right now but it's hard. And my right eye has been twitching. That means I'm stressed because the last time it happened was when I was with my ex. I just want to be happy. Why can't I feel that way? I feel like I'm doing something wrong. But whatever. I put myself in this situation and I guess I have to deal with the consequences, even though everything seems to be pissing me off right now. Thank god I'm on vacation this week. I could use a getaway. Anyone interested in going to Atlantic City with me? I'll get the room.

Something for the weekend.

So I'm heading out in a few minutes...another night of drunkenness. I'd stay home but I'd just be miserable by myself. I'm not exactly in the best mood but alcohol helps (spoken like a true alcoholic).

I need to get a lot off my chest. I'll probably post something tomorrow when I wake up. It seems like writing is the only way for me to feel better these days. I'd probably make for a good reality tv show. Anyone know any producers looking for a new face? hahaha

Well, peace out for now.

Keep on hoping...

(I figure I'd try something different and post a pic of myself before I write each entry. Is that corny? hah. I dont care.)

So here I am...blogging. Again. I don't know how many of you will find my life interesting but I guess I just need a place to put all my thoughts since my life has kind of been an emotional roller-coaster these past few months. But let's save that mess for later.

Went out last night with the "girls." It was fun, though I had a headache most of the night from pregaming too early. I guess I was already having my hangover haha. Anyway, I was kind of getting annoyed at this one person because they obviously showed no respect for the fact that I showed up with my current "significant other." It amazes me how arrogant some people can be. Especially when they're young. Not that I think I'm old...but I do think I've reached a certain level of maturity where I respect everyone until they give me a reason not to.

Random:



Oh, and I pre-ordered a T-mobile G1 the other day. I've been a diehard Sidekick fan for almost 3 years now and I have to say that I'm sick of it. It's time for a change. I think the G1 looks pretty nifty though. It doesn't ship out until October 22 sadly. I guess I can wait.

So what's new with my life? Not too much really. I'm in another relationship after a brief stint of being single. I'm happy, but starting over is hard after being with someone for 3 years. It's like I'm learning things for the first time again, and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it. I really like this person and I'm sure they like me too, but there's always those things little things that stick out and kind of ruin everything. I won't get into that because there's nothing I can do to change them. The only fear I have is that they'll lose interest in me. I guess that's one of my biggest fears now when it comes to relationships, since my ex broke things off by basically saying "I think we should take a break so I can be sure you're the right guy for me." After 3 years you'd think someone would be sure, but I guess not. Fuck my life (oh and that's pretty much the only fucking that's going on in my life in case you're interested. haha).